| I know i have not updated in awhile.
I have been having conflicting issues within myself.
I want to be healthy but I want to be skinny.
I have been eating more, not fasting as much - thus reducing the binging that was occuring SO BADLY and so often. But I eat super healthy lighter meals, salad and soup and cottage cheese. Still using coffee to fill up when I can. I also have been working out more and not eating after 6pm. It helps a lot. I feel guilty after I eat still, but I want to love myself. i want a new beginning. |
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| I weighed myself today. For the first time in FOREVER and with a legit scale, at the weight room.
It made my day. I'm basically 8 pounds lighter than I thought i'd be!
I was SO surprised, I had on clothes (obviously) and shoes AND im on my period.
Whatever I'm doing is working. I want to lose 2.6 more by friday... hopefully thats just water weight from my period.
Liquid diet continued today!
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| I've been having boy problems.
SUPER huge binge sunday...
liquid fasted yesterday - all this week.
Been working out like a fucking psycho.
I'm losing and I love it.
I think I may just let Sundays be my cheat day.
I won't be so prone to losing control and binging if I have one day where I allow it.
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| New strategy. New outlook. New goals. New motivation.
Today I will have coffee and water and that is all.
To lose weight I have to actually TRY.
Binging is not trying.
What I have:
Perfect teeth
Awesome hair
Really good skin
Pretty eyes
What I want:
thighs that don't touch
tiny arms
flat tummy.
I plan on running 5 miles everyday.
And having an intake of under 200 everyday.
This is ridiculous.
I am the only one in control of my life.
I am the only one who can make this change.
So if I want it so bad why am I not changing?
Why am I not killing myself for it.
I have to be the one in charge.
I'm calling all the shots.
and I want to lose as much weight as I can before November 24.
So if I'm eating 200 or less
and I'm taking out 400 or more... I'm getting SOMEWHERE.
and that gives me hope.
I'm sick of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I'm sick of my happiness depending on my body. I have to be in control EVERY SECOND of every minute of every fucking day.
I can't sit here and bitch about everything when I'm not even attempting to fix things.
It's pathetic self pity and lack of motivation and this fat on my body is eating me alive.
I am repulsed by my own reflection but I am the only one that can change that.
Of course it's not going to be fun, it's going to suck worse than anything.
But the running and the restricting are just a part of the game.
And I will have an amazing outcome when I win.
THINSPO:
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| I absolutely fucking HATE myself. |
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